


THE DIVE.

by ratluvr



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Coming Out, Gorillaz - Freeform, Other, Phase One (Gorillaz), Pre-Gorillaz, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Murdoc Niccals, Trans Stuart "2D" Pot, trans Murdoc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratluvr/pseuds/ratluvr
Summary: Content warning: unsafe binding, alcoholism, mentioned blackout drinking, in depth D Day care. if i missed anything be sure to let me know.Takes place early in 1998, before Russ and Noodle, and after 2D gets out of a coma.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	THE DIVE.

~ Murdoc wakes up, his chest feeling like it’s shrinking. It’s so hard to breathe. He fell asleep at the worst time. He groans, slides a hand down his groggy face, sitting up. Did he sleep like this all night? There’s no telling. He’d figure his roommate would notice... and help him. Where was he? 

He gets up quickly, rushing to his bedroom to take his binder off, and put on a loose shirt he can wear comfortably around the house. He can’t remember the previous night but he assumed he had done some shit to piss his roommate off. He always regrets it but he’s not quite at the point where he can bring himself to admit it. 

That must be why he hadn’t made him take his binder off. _'I’m sure he knows how serious it is,' he thinks to himself._ He does know. Murdoc is just trying to figure it out. His thoughts are not persistent for very long, because...

Then, he hears it. A clank from the kitchen. It must be roommate, Stuart. He slowly makes his way there, his motives unclear but he has a strange urge to let him know he hadn’t keeled over just yet. Deep down knowing that Stu cares about him, and doesn’t want to see him hurt.

The morning is so early, that you can’t quite tell that it’s morning. It’s foggy, there’s a bit of light rain... sun definitely isn’t up, or if it were, the clouds have long covered it. Ambiguous. 

“...Mh. ‘Ello, Dentz,” he mumbles, stumbling slowly into the kitchen. He goes to make himself a piece of toast. Murdoc knew that Stu would get onto him if he didn’t have SOMETHING to eat, the bastard. They both know it improved his mood throughout the morning at least, and was secretly thankful.

As Murdoc suspected, “Hey, Muds! I’m glad you hadn’t died. I tried to wake you up but you had drank too heavily, and I...” He trails off, trying to gather his thoughts. Murdoc hadn’t known 2D actually cared for him like that. Maybe he was forced to, maybe it’s all a dream... maybe Murdoc does know deep down but doesn’t know how to come to terms with it. Or maybe-

“I was worried about you. You shouldn’t be falling asleep in your binder like that. I reminded you to take it off at least 10 times, but I think you were black-out drunk,” He sighs, turning to him. There’s a bit of scolding to his tone, and Murdoc can tell, as he’s simply taken aback. He didn’t know Stu had cared so much. “...And then you conked out.” 

“... Right.” He doesn’t know how to say it. ‘Thank you’ is something he’s still working on, per the singer’s request. “Uh, well. I’ll try not to get ‘black-out’ too severely to forge take my binder off then,” he suggests, since his ribs fucking ache. That’s what he wanted, right? Murdoc knew that wasn’t correct. Though, he was trying. Stu wanted him to take care of himself. Murdoc didn’t know how to comprehend someone actually caring about him. 

But Stu persists, whether Murdoc can handle it or not. He can hear him talking, but he’s spacing out until his toast pops up. He jumps and Stu can see it. Stu stops rambling to say, “Are you okay?” Not expecting any form of an answer. Murdoc does surprise him, though, after a brief moment of silence. “Where’s the butter and jam,” he mumbles, shrugging the other off.

Stu opens up the fridge, grabs butter, jam, and a bottled water for Murdoc. Stu looks into his eyes, a look that pleads ‘Please drink this. Please, take care of yourself.’ 

He knew that Murdoc had been having it rough lately, with what, he didn’t know. It’s hard to get into his head, trust him, he’s tried. All he can do is offer him help, and help him, until he feels comfortable enough to speak up to his needs. Though, there is a border, somewhere they can’t quite connect, despite the similarity of their issues. Stu’s forced to shrug it off for now, for the sake of Murdoc’s grouchy morning mood. _‘He’ll feel better later, I’m sure,'_ he thinks to himself.

After a while of trying to read Stu’s blank eyes, Murdoc turns from him with his supplies set on the counter. He prepares his toast, then goes to sit on the couch he had most likely fallen asleep on, or near, a few hours before. After a few bites of his scrumptious breakfast, Stu figures it’s safe to join him, as he won’t be so defensive. Breakfast does make him less grumpy, among other small things Stu does his best to accommodate, and Murdoc returns the favor where he can.

“... So,” Stu offers a conversation starter to Murdoc. He knows he won’t be too talkative after waking up, though it’s too early for a hangover, (being, early morning around 6.) Murdoc shifts on the couch after he sits down. “Hm.” He hums in between bites. He seems willing to listen.

“... Well, I was just thinkin’, and uh.” He pauses, trying to get his words right. “Well, I want to say this first. I care about you a lot, I’d take care of you if you were in a coma too,” He laughs, nudging Murdoc playfully with his elbow. He can see where this is going.

Lately Murdoc has been down in the dumps, barely doing anything. In a rut. Just like when Stu was in a coma, except the roles are reversed. At least they’re showing their kindness for one another, and both are equally grateful. But it’s unspoken, on Murdoc’s part. Maybe he’s asking for more appreciation, his mind goes, trying to be reasonable, and fidgeting at how long it’s taking Stu to get his words out.

“I was wondering... if you’d be willing to tell me what’s going on? It’s been kinda stressful, not knowing what your situation is, yet, trying to help...” Stu trails off momentarily. “I don't know how to help.” He adds, frowning. It is a reach, but good friendships have good communication. That’s how they’ve gotten this far. So, Stu hopes his roommate doesn’t take it badly. He’s trying to help, and ensure things get better, after all. 

Murdoc mulls over it, not taking the last bite of his second toast. He stays silent for a while, deep in thought about the proposition. Stu can tell when he’s deeply thinking, because he has no impulse to respond on. “Hm. ... I think you’re onto something. That quite sounds like a good idea, mate.” He leans back, and holds the stuffed animal (that was next to him, while he slept, and now on the same place on the couch) to his chest. A very special stuffed animal.

It was stupid, but Stu had much earlier given him this stuffed animal a few months after he got out of his coma, after Murdoc came out to him. It was the nicest thing anyone’s done for him, at the raw age of 32. He treasured it, and it made him feel safe. It made him feel cared for. Something he’s not experienced at all, apart from his raven.

He thinks of them briefly, and squeezes the stuffed animal. He rubs the soft animal, really taking in the different textures, to make himself as calm as possible. Not that this wasn’t already the most ideal discussion, he just would like to stay in the moment as long as possible. He holds the stuffed animal out, so he can really look at it. “... I love this goat,” he says. Stu wanted him to be more open, right? That’s a start.

Stu tries to hold back a laugh of appreciation, for Murdoc taking him seriously. Even if it wasn’t the right time. “So, I guess you’re considering?” He says, the small giggle bubbling out despite his best efforts. 

Suddenly, Murdoc flashes back to the moment he had come out to Stuart, months prior. He was clenching his fists, he was sweating everywhere. Was it a hot day, or was he just that nervous? He can’t quite recall, but there’s a lot of emotions in this memory. It had all happened really fast, he remembers looking back up at Stu after a moment of silence, trying to read him. “... Well?” He offers. 

Stu notices him spacing out, but no longer thinking in the moment. He nudges him lightly, and offers a small “Muds?” and that causes Murdoc to snap out of his flashback.

“Ah.” He does snap out, rather quickly. “Y… yeah. Yeah, I am.” He sounds more certain the second time. “We’re both massive pricks but better to be that way together and work it out. I don’t know.” He rubs his head, not really being able to form a coherent string of words. Stu can tell, because he often has the same problem.

~

_Part 2. of chapter 1._

_Flash back_

_It’s not like a story, to go backwards in sequence. Sometimes, when you’re dancing, you have to backtrack. When you paint, you step where you’ve been before, this is quite common. Same goes for telling a story, if that’s how you so desire._

_Moving on._

_This setting takes place at the doctor’s. Stu can tell because of the rustling, the smell, and the soft, yet course grip on his arm. He can’t move through any of this, but he can tell based on his senses. He’s sitting in a wheelchair, as that makes someone much more mobile while in a coma. 'It wasn’t a bad coma, either,' he thinks. ‘I’ve never been in a coma before but I feel like they’re much worse than this.’ He’s just quite grateful it’s this dude, Mudrock—or something, taking care of him instead of some smelly neckbeard taking care of his trans ass. That thought genuinely terrified him, more than the thought of his unaccepting parents taking care of him._

_After months of Murdoc talking to him, and spending time taking care of him, Stu realized that this man did not have one bad intention towards him, and clearly felt bad about what he did. Despite having the court order to force him take care of Stu, he did enjoy it._

_It’s much, MUCH, better than being taken care of by his unaccepting parents. They would most likely miss his T shots, dress him up all funny, and that thought was somehow more terrifying than the neckbeard one. It sucks being stuck in your own head, but Murdoc often put on records, CDs, whatever he had. It wasn’t his preferred music but he’d learn to appreciate it over time. That, and… well, he couldn’t really change it. He was genuinely thankful for his caretaker. If anyone else had run him over he probably wouldn’t be as taken care of._

_Even though Murdoc seemed like a not caring person, to strangers and the court, he was actually really good at his job. Like he took pride in helping someone. Which, with his (minimal, yet apparent,) criminal record, would not seem like him. Especially to the court. Though, they were quite lenient. Did they know something he didn’t? Stu didn’t know, because he wasn’t at the court when the order was decided._

_Murdoc would spend between an hour, to three hours with Stu, taking care of him in a day, as ordered. 10 hours a week. 30,000 total. It was sometimes difficult but it did pass by quickly as Murdoc learned to enjoy it, and it became routine. Sometimes, he couldn’t stop by every day which was fine because he had a feeding tube anyway. It was disgusting but he’d gotten used to it after a couple weeks._

_If they had gone anywhere previously, Murdoc would gently take Stuart out of the wheel chair and set him on the couch. Though, they usually didn’t go anywhere unless Stu was doing badly and needed absolute supervision, (as approved by the court when he revisited a few months, the court needed to see his progress after all.) Murdoc would take him with, for errands. Once a week Murdoc would sit next to him and give him the T shot the doctors had instructed him to do so, (when they had been to the doctor the first time.) “Well, Dentz. It’s time.” He never said out loud, what it was time for, but Stuart caught on after a while that he was just choosing not to say ‘T shot,’ or anything of the sort. Just as a cis person would do. But still, Stuart couldn’t shake the thought that the court, and Murdoc, knew some key fact that he wasn’t quite there enough to pick up on._

~

“... Well?” He waits.

After a long while of silence, of Murdoc waiting for an answer.

“When they talked about you, I had no idea. I couldn’t pick up on it. Though I always felt there was some key fact I was missing out on. It all makes sense now…” He looks to Murdoc and smiles, he can see it in Stu’s eyes, too. Still nervous though, he refuses to emote until he knows Stu’s true feelings about the situation. He goes on.

“I thought you were just some stupid cis man who was maybe educated enough by doctors or other outside sources, to care for me… But I certainly didn’t think it was this. You did know something I didn’t, and it was under my nose the whole time!” He exclaims, itching his hair a little, out of nervousness from the lack of emotion from Murdoc. He was just trying to maintain his composure.

Again, he goes on. “It was… embarrassing at first, but once I realized you had my best interest in mind and knew what you were doing, it stopped buggin’ me. I’m glad some cis idiot didn’t run me over with his car.” He laughs, and Murdoc is more than relieved. His nerves lift and Murdoc can feel a smile forming on his face. 

“Thank you.” Murdoc can feel his face getting wet. “Thank you…” His eyes ask for a hug. They both embrace each other, as mutually as possible even if a bit awkward.

**Author's Note:**

> if i made any spelling errors within my work, feel free to let me know! or any constructive criticism. This is my first time posting work online, so I'm not horrible practiced in that. I would love to know if you have thoughts on where i can improve. thank you!!!!!


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